Many years ago, I found myself having to deal with a not so nice man on a regular basis. It was part of my work and unavoidable.
He was just one of those people who made you think that he didn't like you and that you were super irritating...a 'how dare I annoy him' kind of vibe.
Being the people pleaser that I was (well, still am in some areas of my life but working on it daily, just saying) I went out of my way to try and get him to like me...or at least crack a small smile...or just not be so rude and abrupt with me.
Nope. Nothing worked and that really bugged me.
I started resenting him and came up with all kinds of mean thoughts about him.
I would dread the days that I would have to deal with him, and came at him with an air of "f*ck you, buddy".
Not my natural way of being and it didn't sit well in me at all.
(Side note: this is nobody's natural way of being, but I didn't know that at the time. I would have come at him with compassion far quicker if I knew then what I know now.)
I was giving way more thought and energy to this man and situation than I wanted to and I knew I had to turn it around - he certainly wasn't going to change anytime soon!
What I did, worked like a charm.
I returned to my natural way of being (that which we all are and strive to be because it feels good) of kindness, compassion, and calm.
This will work for you too!
If you have a relationship that is sucking right now, try this:
Imagine them putting on their socks in the morning.
Picture them sitting on the edge of their bed, or in a chair, bending down to put on their socks getting ready for the day.
Just like you. Just like people you love. Just like everyone else in your world.
This image of a person putting on their socks is so vulnerable and innocent to me.
It is so human.
It hits me in the softness of my heart and brings compassion and care to the surface.
Next, picture that person as a little kid putting on their socks all by themselves.
Then picture them even younger as their caregiver does it for them and they watch and learn.
When I did this, the resentment and anger melted away.
He was just a human being doing his best.
Putting on his socks to deal with the day and then the next and then the next.
I realized I had no idea what he is going through, has been through.
I realized that he has a story, he has worries and stress, he is dealing with life just as I am and we all are.
Not to try and excuse his behaviour at all. It had nothing to do with that.
It was just seeing him in his wholeness.
I even started hoping for love and joy for him - what a turn around!
He didn't need to change in order for this to happen.
When I saw him next, I wasn't bursting with love for him and brimming with smiles (thank the Universe, that would be too much!).
Instead, I was kind of....neutral.
I was calm and considerate and that's it.
It felt amazing!
It didn't even matter how he was with me.
I was liberated from the constant chatter about him and the experience of my relationship with him.
I wasn't bugging myself anymore; the experience of him no longer bothered me.
I was free of the constricting feeling that anger, frustration, and resentment brings.
I felt more open, like there was more air for me to breathe.
I share this with you because it was so simple yet so effective.
Please give it a try, and I would love to hear how it goes for you! That annoying person may not be so annoying anymore, and won't that feel awesome?!